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In the Dark

by Star Funeral

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    “In the Dark” came together in 2020 after urging from close friends and producer Billy Mannino (Bigger Better Sun, Oso Oso). Singer/multi-instrumentalist Nikki Esposito built this solo project from the ground up, performing all instruments alongside Ethan Kreidemaker’s studio percussion. It’s a lightning bolt of intensity and harrowing growth set to honor and expand upon her primary influences, a flash of self-understanding while re-entering a lightless era. Star Funeral’s debut is a potent discovery of new ways to shoulder old wounds, such as the murmurs of body dysmorphia trailing behind double-jaw surgery (“Mouth Bleeder”), the lack of closure in lost friendships (“Outgrow”), and the anxiety of letting others in after these hurdles (“Breather”).

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1.
Breather 02:33
Is this where this leads, in any hopes in what I need. Everything has become so permanent to me. What's the point of feeling comfortable When life dissolves so quickly. I’m afraid of feeling comfortable with you I’m so afraid of feeling comfortable with you. Watered flowers for weeks, they dried away so slowly And in the end i grew a bouquet but only just for me. What's the point of feeling comfortable When life dissolves so quickly I’m afraid of feeling comfortable with you I’m so afraid of feeling comfortable with you But you make me feel so brand new And together I feel that we can bloom.
2.
Outgrow 04:04
Where did all your friends go? It’s like they all disappeared. Holding on to the last strand, They took scissors out from your hands. Cut the only thing that made you feel at home, didn't think you were good enough. Touched the only thing that made you feel at home, didn’t think you were good enough. You’re old news, the trash they outgrew, you’re old news. You outgrow people, Just like you outgrow your clothes You outgrow people, Just like you outgrow your clothes Touched the only thing that made you feel at home, didn't think you were good enough. Cut the only thing that made you feel at home, didn't think you were good enough. I’m losing deception of everything, Always wanting the same routine Change rotates constantly and I thought you'd be here with me You outgrow people, Just like you outgrow your clothes You outgrow people, Just like you outgrow your clothes Touched the only thing that made you feel at home, didn't think you were good enough Touched the only thing that made you feel at home, didn't think you were good enough
3.
Alone 03:29
What do you think about when you're alone? Why do you feel like you're alone? Because the days just keep shifting, and I just keep on slipping. Never knowing the way I should be. What do you feel when you're alone? How do you feel when you're alone? Pushed it all away it turned to dust. Now what do you feel when you're alone? In the end am I out of my mind? I always keep reflecting about everything intertwined. What's it like to feel a thing again? To breathe in deeper meanings, It's like I left so many pieces behind. What do you feel when you're alone? How do you feel when you're alone? Pushed it all away it turned to dust. Now what do you feel when you're alone?
4.
Trapped in a body with nowhere else to go. Swimming in waves without seeing the shore. Inhaling blood dripping from your nose to your mouth, Coughed it all out, hard to swallow now. Trapped under a mask, peel your skin off. Release and detach all you want. Trapped under a mask, peel your skin off. Release and detach all you want. Woke up from a hospital bed, So many sleepless nights of what could have been. Spewing out to everything I’ve ever had Scrubbing away at scabs, it’s hard to heal now. Trapped under a mask, peel your skin off. Release and detach all you want. Trapped under a mask, peel your skin off. Release and detach all you want. Trapped under a mask, peel your skin off. Release and detach all you want. Trapped under a mask, peel your skin off. Release and detach all you want. Cause everything hurts, either way, I dragged a knife in my skin just to feel okay, Afraid of my reflection, a monster I hate. Peel your skin off just to feel at bay. Trapped under a mask, peel your skin off. Release and detach all you want. Trapped under a mask, peel your skin off. Release and detach all you want.
5.
You sat emotionless, just like you always do Wrestled with covers that are in-caved in your bed frame. You get a high from loneliness, And a thrill from shattered glass, just so you can pick it up, And you hope it'll attach, and you hope it'll attach. A memorial, from you and me, Let's take a deep breath, And maybe we'll see. You get a high from loneliness, And a thrill from shattered glass, just so you can pick it up, And you hope it'll attach, and you hope it'll attach.
6.
Solitary 04:26
Got lost in the rush of people, the whole grand view. I will always be such a lovely display to you, And we shared the same dream Always running to you Always running deep Always you and me But jealousy, but jealousy. But I’d rather be, something different and solitary And I'll always think I'm different. To you, and me, you’ll always have a part of me And we will both be empty I left a part of me, In the back of your car seat. Didn't seem to think right, after I left your car that night There's nothing we can do. When I refuse to grow But you never grew for me too But you never grew for me too But I’d rather be, something different and solitary And I’ll always think I’m different. To you, and me, you’ll always have a part of me And we will both be empty. Got lost in the rush of people The whole grand view Jealousy took your mind away And that separated me from you. But I’d rather be, something different and solitary And I’ll always think I’m different. To you, and me, you’ll always have a part of me And we will both be empty. Got lost in the rush of people The whole grand view Jealousy took your mind away And that separated me from you.
7.
Perfect Lies 02:45
Everything looks different, On the other side, But when it resurfaces, It makes you wanna die. And it will always try, And it will make you cry. And it's always perfect from the start, Lying and weaving all the dreams you split apart. Always thinking that it’s always gonna change. Running around wasting all every inch of pain. And it's so perfect, for you to think, that it's so wonderful but you suddenly blink. And it came from the other side, and when it all resurfaces you’ll cry. And it’s always perfect from the start, Always hearing words that will melt your heart. Always chasing everything that makes you fall, Running into things that you never really want. And it's always perfect from the start, Always chasing people but will never win their heart, Always changing your mind and what you want. Wish I could have been there when you pulled me apart.
8.
In the Dark 04:25
Took a fall back from a trip Didn’t think it could be much better. I took a fall back from a thrill Didn't think it could be much better. But I don't really like that I don't really like what this is. I don't really like that I don't really like what this is. Oh my god I lost myself (The mirror shows the image of my body and how it will not/just will not heal) Didn't think I’d be real. Didn’t think I’d be real. All the years we’ve lost Whose to blame It’s the same What’s the cost? And all the baggage that you wear Has it worn you down till you were bare? Do you see the storm behind your eyes? All your insecurities and your pretty little lies. Is there any resemblance of a man that you once knew, Cause now I don’t know me too. Oh my god I lost myself (The mirror shows the image of my body and how it will not/just will not heal) Didn't think I’d be real. Didn’t think I’d be real. I took a bullet from a thrill Didn't think it could be much better. I took a fall back from a pill Didn't think it could be much better. But I don't really like that I don't really like who this is. I don't really like that, I don't really like it here. Oh my god I lost myself (The mirror shows the image of my body and how it will not/just will not heal) Didn't think I’d be real. Didn’t think I’d be real. The mirrors shows the image of my body how it’s falling apart (Didn’t think I’d be real) The mirrors shows the image of my body how it’s falling apart (Didn’t think I’d be real)

credits

released March 24, 2023

Mixed, Mastered and Recorded by Billy Mannino at Two Worlds Recording Studio @TwoWorldsRecording

Drums - Ethan Kreidemaker.

Written, Performed all instruments, singing by Nikki Esposito (Star Funeral)

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Star Funeral New York

Emo Shoegaze Music Long Island, NY.

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